Wednesday, 3 May 2017

"Is that really him?"


Walking home, after work, on the hectic road just several miles from the sun, I decided to grab a quick drink to quench my thirst. I spotted a café at the end of the street and as I was nearing the café…. “Is that really him?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. “No, just walk pass, don’t look”, I told myself. I nervously ducked across the café, and just when I was almost reaching the end of the street, I heard a yell. “Teesha, is that you?!” “Oh shit. He caught me, what do I do now?”, my inner voice spoke. I turned around and there I saw John’s eyes open wide in surprise and recognition.
“Oh, my god, Teesha, is that really you?
 That voice. The last time I’d heard it was a lifetime ago. That face. The last time I'd seen him was the worst day of my life.
“Oh, hi John, it’s you.”
“Yes! Of course, it’s me, your John!”, said John brightly.  Yeah right, ‘Your John’, I thought to myself.
He walked towards me, arms spread wide. We collided and his arms wrapped around me. Unsure of myself, I hugged him weakly as I gently patted his back. As he was losing his grip on me, almost immediately I took a step back and we awkwardly smiled.
Then he says…
 “C’mon, that’s my café! Let’s have a drink!”
“Hmm, a drink?”
“Oh. You’ve got to go somewhere? You’re not in a rush, are you?”
“Uhm...”
“No, don’t worry, a quick one!”
He walked me in and we sat at the table close to the cash counter.
“Roast milk tea?”
“Yes, can thank you.”
Hmm, he never changed a bit, the same old baby-faced John with golden brown curly hair and not forgetting his signature mole on his right cheek. John stood at the counter and turned back to look at me. Our eyes met and his lips broke into a teasing smile, with one corner hinting upwards. But I quickly broke it off, busying myself with my iPhone while John come with the drinks.
John and I go back in years. Looking back, there was so much about him that drove me mad. Well, just like every other boyfriend, he was sweet and loving until Emily came in the picture and stole him away. I was stupid to believe all his lies about his friendship with Emily until I caught them cuddling right before my eyes. There. I ended it and I never wanted to see them again. Ever.
“Here, you go”.
“Thank you”.
John turned the chair round and straddled it with both his elbows resting on the table, he asked, "So.... what have you been up to?”
“Nothing much, just work and home. You?”
“Oh me, just been running this café for 6 years now. You know, how I’ve always wanted to have my very own cafe… so here I am!”
“Yea... I remember our coffee shop dates and how you’d constantly talk to me about starting a business together...”
“Yea…”, he pulled as his face turned pale with an alertness in his eyes. He slouched against his chair and there was awkward silence for at least 5 seconds.
“So, are you free tomorrow?”, he asked. What a bland question I thought, unsure of what to say, I blabbered.
“Hmm, tomorrow...? I’ve got to go to work...I’ve got this meeting that I can’t skip…I need to get home quick for dinner with a client…oh this client, I have to meet her for, uhm it’s important…and and...”
"Uh...okay okay, that's cool... so...uh...another time then?
“Yeah okay”.
I quickly gulped the last bit of the drink and stood up.
“Uh John, got to go. I've got to meet my boss for lunch in half an hour.”
“Ah, okay no problem. See you around soon, drop by when you can”.
“Sure, thanks”, with my half-smiled face.


Point of View.

There. For the hundredth time, I hear them quarrel like husband and wife. I could hardly recall when the last time we fought. My husband doesn’t talk to me or look at me the same way anymore. I don’t try anything either.
 Mm. But, I still love my millionaire husband.
               I knew my husband and his daughter had begun doing sexual experimentation, kissing and touching one another in bed at night. For some reason when I asked him about them, his face turned very red and he got real nervous, which is something he almost never does.
Well, I just know that we’re over now.
Monica. Ugh, I hate that name. Why did I even agree to Bill when he wanted to name her after his mistress. Well now, she doesn’t only own her name, she also resembles that dead bitch. His pregnant mistress died in a hit-and-run accident. I nailed that at first attempt, you have no clue. Pfft.
You see… 'I'm not a bad person, I just fell in love, I couldn't help it.'
But times have changed.
Monica had kept her secret of sexual abuse by her minister father for a very long time…well at least until her teenage years. He’s 'sudden passion' for her must be the resemblance. Yet, the telling of her story, while painful, has been powerfully healing for me. I’ve got used to this.

               To be honest, it’s awkward. He feels the need to treat her like his lover, but if she did bad at school, he blows up and goes strictly father on her. Then that same night he wants to have sex with her.
               What?! Yeah..., I know.
               She lets him, and then he kisses her back and they end up making out and getting down for a good few hours before he returns to my room. This type of nightly ritual has been going on for some time... since puberty hit her and she is now full of lust.

She vowed to keep this their little secret. A year had passed. I didn’t have to catch them in the act, but I constantly find them looking at each other a little too long and laughing at inside jokes. They act like lovers.
I hardly sleep at all some nights, reliving the scenes over and over. It has become almost a dream sequence in my mind.
What did she do to seduce this old man?
Hmm, a girl like her can make any man happy. I cannot deny that she has some sort of power over me at this point.
            “Our baby!” I snap out of my thoughts when I heard his loud voice piercing through the kitchen.
“What? Our baby?? What in the world did I just hear?!”
I rush to the living room and feel the tension in the atmosphere. Both looking pale and stunt.
“What happened?!” I asked.
Bill hesitates and murmurs.
               I could tell then he is hiding something from me.
“Oh... Um... She’s….”.
My eyes automatically heat up in the concluding thoughts that I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear.
“She’s.… pregnant.”
“Damn you!”
All my veins go crazy, it feels like my organs wanted to jump out of my body.
I’m in denial. I replay the moment a hundred times in my head.
“You’re married!” I remind him, not particularly pleased about remembering this detail myself.
“How could you possibly let this happen?! Aren’t you ashamed? Both of you disgust me!”
The anger aggravates in me when Bill refuses to respond.
“Oh, shut up Jen,” he says.
What is he even thinking? Honestly, I have no clue what is going on. Bill and Monica keep on arguing as if I’m not there.
He says Abort, she says No.
Another Monica now? I cannot let this happen. Something must be done.
Deep down, I want the baby gone. Worse, I want her gone.
All I see is another murder plan.
Suddenly, Monica screeches at the top of her voice, “I’m going to tell the whole world that you raped me!”
Bill becomes furious, he slaps her hard. Monica turns crimson red. She is sure in massive pain, all she could do is cry… but all along I’m feeling better and better. But not yet…
            “Get out of the house,” he yells.
That brat stupidly dashes out of the house, sobbing. Bill runs after her just when I hear a loud bang and a thundering crush of metal.

               I'm not sure if this is a dream come true or a nightmare.

Sky of Vines.

“Sky of Vines.”

I rubbed the sharp-edged leaf between my porcelain fingers. I looked up, watching other leaves fall until they landed gently by my toes. I gazed at the countless vines intertwined with each other across what we, the fairies knew as the sky. There were no clouds, there was no rain – just the long draping green that grew above, to the side and even the ground. I sat in the front yard, holding my knees close to the chest, my eyes fixed to the canopy above. I searched for movement, a noise, anything at all that would hint me from above. But the vines hung like sloths, dead and unmoving.
“Well, what was I expecting?”
Hmm, all my life, I had questioned what could be above those vines and again all my life that was the exact subject every single fairy in Avalar chose to avoid.
“Fairies just don’t question these things, Tammy!”
Mr. Sam, my English professor tiredly reiterated when I had confronted him for the hundredth time. But, why?  I’m just looking for answers.
“There must be one fairy, at least one who has flown up to discover.”
Mr. Sam noticed my response cracking in desperation.
He slowly removed his silvery-framed spectacles that were slipping and retaliated, “Well even if there were, none of them came back. I’m warning you Tammy, don’t go up there.”
I took a long hard look at him. Does he think whatever he had told me is going to frighten me? Of course, not.
“I’m warning you again Tammy, don’t go up there.”
Sigh.
My parents would constantly tell me that they wish I was like the other fairies. But no. I’m different apparently. I often pester them, day and night with questions about ‘the world above’. Well, initially they were amused with my curiosity but after a while they stopped responding, simply sighing or rolling their eyes whenever I asked them.
Suddenly, I felt a rustle from the trees nearby to where I was sitting.
It was Maya, my best friend.
“Frightened, Tammy?” Maya smirked.
“Not now Maya, not in my best mood for your tricks.”
“Alright, alright! I’m sorry. So, that’s it then. You’ve decided?”
“Um, yes. I’ve made my decision.
“Are you sure?” she began.
“No one in Avalar is going to help me, so I’m going to find out for myself.”
“I just hope you’re sure about this! You know anything could happen to you.” Maya said hesitantly.
I paused for a few moments. Recollected my thoughts about this decision. I realized I might not make it home unharmed. I realized I might not make it back at all. I quickly pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind.
“I’m going to do this. I’ve wondered for too long. I have to know,” I said.
Later that day, I left my parents a note saying that they potentially might not ever see me again. I reassured myself for the last time that leaving a note was the right thing to do. I sat on the floor in my room crumpling hundreds of papers into small balls, unsure of how to put my feelings into words. Peculiarly, my chest seemed to feel lighter once I slid the note under my pillow. They would find it eventually.
“At least I won’t be leaving them hanging.”
I looked out my dirt-speckled window, and I knew it was time to leave Avalar. I slung my backpack over one shoulder and left my room silently. To be honest, I didn’t have to worry much about making noise. My parents are used to my disappearances when I sneak out often after dinner. I enjoy gazing at the sky of vines above me. Nowhere far actually, just a few miles from home, especially near the hilltops. During the lonely but peaceful nights, I read about the mythical creatures, what Mr. Sam often refers to as human beings, evil and destructive in nature. I picture them ugly, filthy and large like ogre or cunning with long tail like mermaid. I’m just always searching for answers.
Without saying goodbye or looking back, I quickly walked out the door. I walked with my head down; I let my hair fall over my face hoping that nobody would recognise me. I had actually planned my journey for weeks. I know exactly where to go. I just needed to walk towards the Violet Hill and fly up to the vines from there. I finally relaxed when I saw there were no fairies to be seen. Everyone had gone home, hopefully. I was glad to get away from the utter boring lives the other fairies led; never curious, never questioning. I just couldn’t stand the dreariness of Avalar. I was just waiting to escape reality.

I walked non-stop till the foot of Violet Hill and turned around. My house was now far behind, all that I could see was the long sandy path that led to where I was at. It was so quiet, so…lonely. With one last look, leaving everything I had known behind, I ran.
I ran to the top of the hill and looked down over Avalar, the endless-glowing light shined over the hilltops was mind-blowing. From where I was, I could see millions of flowers, white, pink, yellow and red that perfectly grew around the land.
I thought to myself, “The fairies of Avalar might be boring but Avalar surely isn’t.”
“I might not ever set foot on Avalar again,” I pondered.
I might never be able to smell mother’s scented roses in the garden, or hear the sound of father’s axe chop wood at the yard or even listen to Mr. Sam vent about his tiring life. I tried to erase all thoughts of my family. I knew I couldn’t turn back now.
I tightened the straps on my backpack then stretched out my wings, preparing to fly up. I rose into the air, beginning my uncertain journey towards the vines. I began to form drops of sweat as I fluttered higher and higher. I had no idea why it was getting so warm and sticky.
Panting, I gulped in as many breaths of air as I could and beat my wings harder to get to the top. I looked above. I could finally see all the vines before my eyes. With full of wonder, I searched for an opening to squeeze through. A blinding light shined in my eyes as if I was staring straight into the sun. I knew it was it. Nervousness kicked in. Shutting my eyes tight, I flew through, my heart racing with anticipation and excitement.
At first, all I saw was light – incredibly bright. I took a moment to regain my sight. When my vision cleared, I saw a huge lamp floating directly above me.
“How is the lamp just hanging in the air?” I wondered, feeling confused.
 I squinted to look ahead. There I saw a metal table and on it, was a glass box.
Not just a glass box, but wait.
“Is there something moving in the box?”
My eyes widened. Fairies?! There they were. Fairies exactly like the ones in Avalar. I was now confused more than ever. I flew closer to the box to get a better look. I cautiously began to inch closer to the other glass box.
Suddenly, I had a smack. My whole body crashed against something hard and cool.
“Oh, that hurt!”
 I reached out feeling for what was blocking my way. My hands landed on glass.
“What?!” I screamed my head now throbbing in pain.
I flew to the left, I flew to the right, I flew all the way up feeling for open space to fly through. Sadly, there was none.
I repeatedly pounded on the glass till my palms turned red. I was trapped. My heart sank when I realized I was in a box. Avalar was merely a box.
“I…I don’t understand,” I cried, trying to wrap my head around my shocking discovery.
Just then, I heard scraping metal sound. Looking outside the box, I saw a giant figure, bigger than any fairy, draped in a long white coat. Through the dim light outside, I see plastic goggles worn around its head covering the eyes. A million things ran through my mind as I contemplated what it might be. I watched the being, its’ strange long arms hovering around some tools.
Right then I noticed a sign on the wall above the being. In striking colour lights, it read, DO NOT LET FAIRIES OUT.
My eyes flew back to what the being was cutting. I saw wings and a pale face, lying still. In my horror, I couldn’t even manage to let out a scream. I felt helpless when I realized why none of the fairies came back. They had been tortured and violated, these…monsters experimenting on them. And then it hit me.
I had read about them before. They were supposed to be mythical beings, greedy and self-righteous, exploiting everything and everyone around them. Mr. Sam had also once taught me that they were full of hate, killing each other for power. I read that they had wiped out their own species, but clearly, the books and the fairies were severely mistaken.

Haiku for Caption Ruby.

If only you knew,
Rueben my heart calls out for,
Across Atlantic.

Caption leaves my side,
Anchoring in deep water,
While I yearn for his return.

I whispered his name.
Meantime in alam he is,
Wanting to hug me.

He likes my poems,
All I do is share my thoughts,
Just thoughts about him.


                                                                                                               Teesha
                                                                                                               3/5/2017

Stress - is the word my dear friend.

Stress kills me with the pile of workload each day,
How do I endure this or make it go away?

I'm either feeling weak or drained when I don't sleep,
In bed at night I wonder why thoughts run so deep.

They ask me of I'm ill or sad,
It's just stress my friends don't feel bad.

Do you notice how I walk with a slow pace,
Bruised; torn apart catch me when I fall just in case.

I woke up and thought to myself why I care less,
Because nothing ever is right when everything is a mess.

Stress is man's worst enemy you agree?
Will stress set me free?

                                                                                                                                Teesha
                                                                                                                                20/4/2017



Friday, 28 November 2014

Foundation programme is coming to an end?

The year is coming to a close, the third semester is coming to an end, my foundation programme is about to complete. So what now ? Final Examination. Yes, I repeat. FINAL EXAMINATION. As this is my last post, I'd like to take this opportunity to reflect on my journey through these 12 months course.


Just like others, there have been good days and bad days for me too. I mean c'mon, what is life if it's not cruel, right? But what matters is that how you endure every obstacles that come your way and stop you from progressing when there's every possible chance. Sometimes, I wish I was still at school, sometimes I wish I was still a child just so that I didn't have to face so much pain and drama at college. But at the same time, I thank god for giving me strength to pull through every challenging path I come across. From examination, assignments, presentations to handling lecturers, friends and homesick. I feel strong than before.


I'm glad through out the course, I made new friends from the other department, got closer to my own classmates and batch mates, created good impression towards my lecturers, and most importantly, learned a lot of new things and gained adequate knowledge to pass my exams with flying colours and also to prepare for my degree course. Yes, I've made up my mind to persue my degree in Tesl at Help :')


My first semester seemed pretty easy and manageable, second semester was a little tough but again I pull through with enough motivation and study time. Now, I'm in my last and final week of study before the finals, and the amount of assignments and presentation I had to submit and do respectively was massive.! Like literally so many that I barely had enough time for myself. #lifeasastudent.



But all in all, this foundation programme has been really beneficial to me and it definitely serves as a foundation for my future studies and also career. Even though I had uncountable assignments and projects to complete, it was indeed fun to carry out with my classmates. They have really helped me through completing difficult tasks and have been there to cheer me up when I was feeling down. Our lecturers were amazing, friendly and also helpful through out this course. I'll sure miss my lecturers and also my fellow classmates.

Thank you Tesl Foundation & cheers to the new chapter of my life. Life of a degree student. :)

Public Service Announcement Project.


OFFICIAL PSA MOVIE - Girls. They deserve to be two things : Who they want to be and what they want to be, whenever they want. :)






It was a project done for the New Media in Tesl subject. Well, what can I say? It was more than fun to have worked with such sporting and adventurous friends. Daniel, being the only thorn among the roses tolerated our nuisance pretty well and contributed many ideas.Shannen, on the other hand came up with the most random jokes to be used in our script and as for Fara and Lalisha, the pulled off their acting skills quite well. Last but the not the least, Chanelle, our photographer and editor who did a tremendous job into putting the scenes all together and producing a wonderful piece what I call a 'short film'.




Do sit back, relax and enjoy our production :)